My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
