he wants to bone in the snuggie
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
