somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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