dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
