You're a womanizer and a bitch.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
