im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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