So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
