I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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