I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
