I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
This house was built for laser tag.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Randomize
