remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
