Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
