i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
