Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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