So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I touched a dick in church today
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
