Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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