she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
