So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
