no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Randomize
