they need to just BURY HIM!
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
