what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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