Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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