I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
