Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize