he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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