I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
