Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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