Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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