Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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