woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
