How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
