This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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