it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
