we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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