well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
