I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
