Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
