roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
