where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
