How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize