It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
