YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
