Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
