there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I didn't notice because vodka
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
