i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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