I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
