omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
