Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
