I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
