Kiss
Puke
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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