Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
