the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
