3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize