I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize