I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
