Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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