Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize