Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I am naked and annoyed.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
