they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
