the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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