I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
