when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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