Your face is a jimmy john
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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