3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize