So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
