We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
