i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
