The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
