Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
